One Family, Different Nervous Systems
- Jen Glover
- May 6
- 3 min read
Updated: Jul 9
This piece is the eighth part of the Making Life Workable series —
a lived exploration of what happens when something doesn’t feel quite right anymore,
while everyday life continues around it.
Each part looks at a different moment in that experience —
not to tell you what to do, but to help you notice what might already be there.
You don't need to read this series in order. Just start wherever something feels familiar.
If you're new to this series, you're welcome to continue reading here. If you'd prefer to begin at the start, Part 1 is here.
Part 8 - Why the same situation can feel completely different to each person.
You can be in the same moment as someone else
and still feel it completely differently.
What feels manageable to one
is already too much for another.
And over time,
that starts to show up in everyday life.
Sometimes you can be in the same day, the same house, the same plan — and it still doesn’t feel the same for everyone in it.
What one person barely notices,
another is already feeling.
From the outside, nothing may look especially different.
But inside, it isn’t affecting everyone in the same way.
And for a while, it’s easy to miss.
Because if something feels manageable to you,
it’s easy to assume it should feel manageable to them too.
But over time, the difference starts to show up.
Not always in big, obvious ways.
More often in the everyday moments.
The hesitation.
The resistance.
The outbursts.
The withdrawals.
How quickly someone has had enough.
How something small can start taking more out of the day than expected.
How a small ask can suddenly bring a response you didn't see coming.
And after a while, it becomes harder to see those moments as separate things.
They start to feel less like someone being difficult,
overreacting, or behaving badly —
and more like signs that something isn’t working.
Not because anyone is the problem.
Just that the same way of doing things isn’t working in the same way for everyone.
After a while, it gets harder not to see it.
But often, what makes it clearer
is noticing the same kinds of moments
keep repeating.
Small things feeling bigger than they need to.
More tension.
More friction.
More of the day being taken up by something you expected would have gone more easily.
And once you can see that,
it becomes harder to keep telling yourself
that more pressure is the answer.
So you start to ease the pressure.
You lower demands where you can.
You give things a bit more space.
You stop forcing what clearly isn’t working.
But what often isn’t clear yet
is what comes instead.
Because when you move away from pressure
without anything else in place that actually helps the people in front of you,
it can feel like you’ve lost structure.
Like there’s more space,
but not necessarily more ease yet.
Like you’ve stepped out of one way of doing things,
but haven’t quite found another yet.
This is where a lot of people find themselves.
You don’t want to keep using pressure.
You can see what it does.
But you haven’t been shown another way
that still feels workable enough to rely on.
So you end up in the middle.
Trying to ease what clearly isn’t helping,
while still needing something that does.
Because different nervous systems need different conditions.
Even in the same family.
Even in the same home.
Even on the same day.
And what works for one isn’t the measure for everyone.
Sometimes the shift isn’t about trying harder to make everyone fit the same way.
It’s about noticing sooner
who something is working for
and who it isn’t.
And being willing to adjust from there.
Not all at once.
Not perfectly.
Just enough
to stop adding pressure
where it was never helping.
When things don’t settle the way you expect,
it’s easy to assume you just need to try harder.
But sometimes, it’s not about effort —
it’s about fit.
Part 9: 🔗 When Life Needs Different Things
This sits within Emotional Wellbeing — where emotions are treated as information, not something to fix.
Emotions don’t need solving. They need space to move.
Whatever brought you here today, I hope you leave with something that helps life make a little more sense, or perhaps opens the door to something you hadn't noticed before.
🧭 Where To Go Next
🔗 Browse by Experience — explore what feels most familiar.
🔗 A Note From Jen — reflections that put words to experiences many people struggle to explain.
🔗 Begin Here — understand this approach and where to begin.
🔗 Find What Fits — explore resources, support and practical next steps.
✉️ Get updates by email — receive new reflections and resources as they're shared.
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